


I Ain’t the Worst You’ve Ever Seen

by faithinthepoor



Series: Glee [6]
Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-16
Updated: 2013-01-16
Packaged: 2017-11-25 16:33:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/640900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faithinthepoor/pseuds/faithinthepoor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set during Mattress</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Ain’t the Worst You’ve Ever Seen

**Author's Note:**

> In my series this follows [I’m Not That Girl](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640810), [It Sucks to be Me](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640836), [Kiss Me Goodbye](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640850), [We All Have Sorrow](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640862) and [I’m Not Myself Lately](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640884)

Quinn Fabray’s world was one of structure and predictability, in a way it was boring but it was safe and understandable. She had a uniform that promoted her position and status to the world and that had the added bonus of making her body look firm and toned. She thought she had convinced herself that she had an identity outside of the polyester wrapping but in the throws of the universe becoming obsessed with all things yearbook she is starting to think that all she ever was was a high ponytail and a uniform.

Sometimes she is not even sure that she believes the things that she thinks but rather that she makes sure she thinks them because they are the right things to think. They are what normal people would think. They are what Quinn Fabray would have thought. Maybe her tight Cheerios’ hair used to warp her mind because the head cheerleader really did want marriage and children and a white picket fence. She spent her whole life thinking that she was trying to be exceptional and now she realises that what she wanted to be was exceptionally normal. 

Normal people are obsessed with the Thunderclap for one of two reasons – either they want to make sure they look smoking hot in their photos or they are terrified of the social annihilation that their photo could result in. She’s obsessed with the Thunderclap too but for an entirely different reason. Sure in public she looks at the past issues and laments the lose of the life she used to have but that is not why she sleeps with last year’s issue under her pillow. Finn is dense enough that he thinks she’s moping about the loss of her perfect figure and to help her feel better he is constantly bringing her candy. There are times that she doubts that Finn understands that one and one makes two but at least he doesn’t understand that the yearbook is omnipresent because it is full of photos of Rachel Berry.

She is so glad that the Quinn Fabray that her parents wanted is not the kind of girl who would deface her own copy of the yearbook. Quinn Fabray was the kind of girl who defaced the copy in the library because that was her responsibility as head cheerleader but keep her personal copy pristine as that was her responsibility as a perfect daughter. It’s true that sometimes she still really wants to be the head cheerleader but it has less to do with the squad than it does with Rachel. She wants to be able to sit in the library and deface pictures of Rachel without feeling horrible. A year ago that would not have been a problem but now she sits there in danger of telling Britney and Santana that Rachel’s pictures should be left alone. 

At least she can take comfort in the fact that people look at her and see the fallen angel. Nobody sees an actual person they just see someone who would be crazy not to want her old life back. At times she really thinks she might be going crazy. Maybe Patches didn’t end up an insane vagrant because someone gave him a Hitler moustache and a rice paddy hat, maybe he was just unlucky enough to fall for a completely impossible person. At least while people are making their false assumptions about her they are failing to notice how she feels about Rachel Berry. No-one in their right mind would want to be co-captain which Rachel and so her objection to sharing a photo with her is completely understandable. She is thankful that no-one comprehends that she is frightened that having a picture of her and Rachel together in the yearbook would provide her with so much erotic fodder that it would be weeks before she would be able to leave her bed.

The commercial shoot was almost more stimulation than she could handle. While Rachel was reading her lines Quinn had to force herself to stare at Puck and try to find his love of his own arms endearing so she could ignore the fact that Rachel was in touching distance and wearing pyjamas. The blue ensembles that they have been placed in are hardly the stuff that you would find in a Victoria’s Secret catalogue but the sight of Rachel in clothes designed for bed is the sexiest thing that she has ever seen in her life. It is like her own personal hell and she shows more self-control than she realised she had by not throwing Rachel down on a mattress and kissing her senseless.

She spent so much time tyring not to think about Rachel and mattresses that she failed to think about what else she was doing on those mattresses and when she realises the nature of her actions she has a minor freak out. She has no idea how long she is stuck inside of her head but it is long enough for her to still be standing in the bathroom of the store long after the others have left.

When Rachel comes in, radiating like a supernova, in the wake of having the would be Cecile B DeMille film her close up she is staring into space with her hand over her stomach.

Rachel seems startled to see her there, “We have got to stop meeting like this. People may start to talk.”

“Why would they do that?” she hopes she doesn’t seem flustered. “There is nothing for them to talk about.”

“I didn’t mean anything by it. It’s just that previously I could have counted on no fingers the times we had been alone together and now it seems to be happening often.”

“Maybe you could wear a bell so that I would have advanced notice of your arrival and be able to vacate the premises.”

Rachel looks crestfallen, “I’ll get changed and out of your hair as quick as I can.”

“I was only joking.”

“Oh so this is one of those moments when you don’t have to hate me.”

“It’s not like that.”

“It’s ok. I know what people think of me, you’ve even confirmed how annoying I am. One of my many strengths is that I continue to be me despite what everyone thinks because I know one day I’ll be famous and they will all come crawling to me.”

“You would be ok with people only liking you cause you’re famous?”

“I think so. Were you ok with people only liking you because you were head cheerleader.”

Rachel can burn with the best of them, “It’s better now, at least I know who likes me for me.”

“Is it really better?”

“No. Not at all.”

“If you could go back in time would you change things?”

Rachel constantly makes her feel like she is under a microscope with all her secrets and flaws being magnified, “I honestly don’t know. Why do you ask?”

“I saw you with you hand over your stomach and you looked sort of sad. I thought you might be regretting things.”

“I didn’t plan on conceiving out of wedlock but I really do love my baby.”

“I thought you might have been worried about getting fat.”

“Not just yet. I managed to do Jump without splitting my pants so I say that I’m still on equal footing with the rest of you.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“That I was just jumping around on mattresses.”

“You don’t think that’s befitting behaviour for a mother to be?”

“I’m worried that it might have been bad for the baby.”

“I don’t think it would have been a problem.”

“What if I’ve squashed her little bones and she comes out all deformed or if I made her bleed in her brain?”

“I’m not sure it works that way.”

“I just don’t want anything bad to happen to her. Right now she’s perfect and I don’t want to ruin her.”

“Nobody gets to be perfect Quinn, not even you.”

“Obviously.”

“Are you annoyed that someone like me can tell you you’re not perfect?”

“You’re as entitled as anyone to point out the obvious.”

“Will you deface my pictures in the yearbook?”

“What?”

“I know the sort of things people do to my photos. I know that you used to be the sort of person that did that to my photos.”

“You want to know if I’m still that person?”

“I want to know how real the Quinn Fabray that is nice to me is.”

“You want to know if public perception is more important to me than friendship.”

“I’m your friend?”

“Yes you are and I won’t deface your photo but I can’t guarantee to admit in public that you’re my friend.”

“Oh so am I meant to be flattered that I have the option to be your secret friend?”

“You are meant to accept that that is what I have to offer. You can take it or leave it.”

“Are you non-secret friends really all that better than me?”

“No they’re not.” Rachel seems to have been rendered mute as she opens her mouth to reply but no words follow. “Were you expecting a different answer?”

“I’m not sure what I thought you’d say but it wasn’t that.”

“They are not better than you. They are less annoying and socially not as damaging but they are not better.”

“I am going to chose to believe that somewhere in there there was a compliment.”

“I can’t trust my other friends not to stab me in the back. I’d like to think that you are different and that you would look out for me cause in my own way I will look out for you.”

“By tormenting me, slandering me, spreading rumours, that sort of thing?”

“That was before.”

“Before what exactly?”

“Just before,” she replies helplessly.

Rachel sighs, “I so wish I didn’t like you.”

“Likewise. Believe me.”

“So I guess we don’t have the kind of friendship were we are going to go out on frozen yoghurt runs or skip down halls together.”

“I won’t be skipping down halls with anyone.”

“Oh right the baby and the brain bleeds.”

“And also cause I’m not six.”

“Oh that too.”

“Rachel how long has it been since you had a friend?”

“The last time anyone wanted to be my friend it was still acceptable for me to skip down halls.”

It kills her that life could have been so cruel to someone who has as much to offer as Rachel does, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault.”

“Maybe it is a little.”

“Quinn you are not responsible for the actions of every insensitive idiot that I’ve met in my life.”

“No but I am responsible for the insensitive and idiotic things that I have done.”

“Fair point. In fact you owe me big time.”

“I won’t be skipping down any halls with you.”

“We shall see, I can be very persuasive.”

“Rachel I really am sorry for the things I’ve done to you in the past.”

“You can’t really change that now but you could make it up to me by being nicer to me in the future.”

“This is going to sound awful but I’m not sure that I can promise that.”

“I know.”

“Then why did you ask for it?”

“A girl’s gotta try.”

She smiles in a way that has become rare for her, “You keep trying then.”

“I will but right now I have to go. It’s a big night at Cassa Berry we have to talk about my commercial debut.” 

She is about to tell Rachel that she will leave so that she can get changed when a strange thing happens. Rachel closes the distance between them and places a kiss on her cheek. “What was that for?” she is proud that she can talk because her brain feels like it’s exploding.

“Because you are a better person than you think you are and because I believe you when you say that you will try and look out for me.” With those words Rachel departs, still in the pyjamas. Quinn has no idea whether Rachel goes home like that or manages to change somewhere else but she knows that Rachel doesn’t return to the bathroom to get changed. She’s embarrassed to realise that she waits there for another three quarters of an hour hoping that Rachel will return. It’s not wasted time though she uses it to try and put her priorities in order and when the opportunity present itself to help the Glee Club and put Sue Sylvester in her place for a little while she knows what she must do. If everybody thinks her greatest desire is to be back on the Cheerios than she might as well use it to her advantage. She meant what she said when she told Rachel that she would look out her and even though no-one ever knows what she has done she is determined to do whatever she can to make Rachel happy.


End file.
